In a move that has sent shockwaves through Nigeria’s political landscape, Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan (PDP, Kogi Central) has penned a biting, satirical letter of “apology” to Senate President Godswill Akpabio, laced with sarcasm and veiled criticism. The letter, which surfaced on social media on Sunday evening. The post read:
From the Desk of Senator Natasha Akpoti Uduaghan
Dear Distinguished Senate President Godswill Akpabio,
It is with the deepest sarcasm and utmost theatrical regret that I tender this apology for the grievous crime of possessing dignity and self-respect in your most exalted presence. I have reflected extensively on my unforgivable failure to recognize that legislative success in certain quarters is apparently not earned through merit, but through the ancient art of compliance — of the very personal kind.
How remiss of me not to understand that my refusal to indulge your… “requests” was not merely a personal choice, but a constitutional violation of the unwritten laws of certain men’s entitlement. Truly, I must apologize for prioritizing competence over capitulation, vision over vanity, and the people’s mandate over private dinners behind closed doors.
I now realize the catastrophic consequences of my actions: legislation delayed, tempers flared, and the tragic bruising of egos so large they require their own postcodes. For this disruption to the natural order of “quid pro quo,” I bow my head in fictional shame.
Please find it in your magnanimous heart — somewhere buried deep beneath layers of entitlement — to forgive this stubborn woman who mistakenly believed that her seat in the Senate was earned through elections, not erections.
I remain,
Yours in eternal resistance,
Senator Natasha H Akpoti Uduaghan
Unafraid, Unbought, and Unbroken
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